A (Guilty) Contemplation on Disproportions and Muse
A (GUILTY) CONTEMPLATION ON DISPROPORTIONS
My addiction is drawing naked women.
(A pleasant addiction, some might say…)
Much to the dismay of my girlfriend, I find myself sitting here, thinking and writing about breasts, hips, curves and other such attributes of women, or more specifically, women of my own creation - my drawings. While it has been some time since I've taken to the pencil, there has been no shortage of self-praise. I'm actually very proud of what I've drawn.
To you, a simple glance at those drawings may lead you to believe that I am recently-onset-with-puberty adolescent male who thinks of nothing but sex and who also fantasizes about the women he'll one day screw. Truthfully, I wish that were the answer. If that were so, things would be simple; the easy answer to "Who drew this and for what purpose?" would be "Oh, just some horny teenager." But (unfortunately) things are never that plain and ideal - the reality of the situation is quite the contrary of that assumption; I am past my teenage years and do get laid (quite often too, if that's of any relevance), and I downright know that women of such shape do not naturally exist, nor do most women actually resemble "the perfect shape." Despite all of this, whenever I pick up a pencil with the urge to draw, it is always the same subject - disproportionate, but aesthetically pleasing, naked women.
I, perhaps more than anyone else, want to know why it is that I draw these women, fully knowing the complexities behind every drawing I make. It would be a lie if I said I wasn't fascinated by the female form. Although the "women as muse" mentality has certainly weathered away over the ages, I cannot help but ambivalently accept it as part of my own artistic vision. It was not until I tried to diverge from the subject that I realized exactly how attached I was to it. I have endeavoured to focus on other objects, but my addiction must always be sated and I always seem to return to women as muse. Sadly, I have to reluctantly accept that most people will only think of my drawings as those of a sex-starved dog and ignore their artistic delicacy.
So why is it that I do what I do? My reasoning has led me to no satisfactory answers. I get my inspiration mostly from Playboy (an ideal place to begin any venture into disproportionality). Even then, as I flip through the pages of the magazine, I'm awe-struck with the models' beauty - getting off is usually the last thing on my mind. I mark the pages with Post-It notes wherever there is a model I'd like to draw. Sometimes I wonder: "why am I flipping through this stuff anyway? Am I like countless other males who only want T&A?" Ironically, I see myself above that. I've never found myself saying "Wow! Look at her knockers!" but certainly have spent time admiring the shapes and curves in the pictures. Sometimes I feel as though my thoughts, and by extension, my drawings, are the product of the highly sexualized society I find myself in. It's probably not a coincidence that the Western obsessions with breasts and slimness manifest themselves in my drawings as DDs on disproportionately skinny women. If that were the case, aren't I just a medium between the ideals of the status quo and a new product?
As he admitted in his song, Sir Mix-a-lot liked big butts. Similarly, I have an obsession with big breasts. Again, it's something which I feel I have no control over. That's just how I like things and my drawings make no doubt of that. I think: what is wrong with drawing that? Is there something wrong with that? And then I realize, I'm not that interested in creating an accurate representation of reality. As the author of one of my drawing books wrote: "It's just gonzo!" There's nothing wrong with exaggeration. And in my case, I believe that's true, I can exaggerate - after all, I'm not trying to deliver a world-saving message. I just want to satiate my addiction and draw more naked women.
Above all, sometimes I ponder: "Perhaps I'm too philosophical about all of this. Why can't a drawing of a naked women be just that - a drawing!"