Love the Addict
Being in love with a cocaine addict is tough. You never know whether they mean what they say or if it's the cocaine talking.
Brian has told he loved me numerous times. He could never remember it afterwards though. And I knew that. But still, every time he said it I wanted to believe him so bad. And at times I did believe him. He sounded so sincere and his kisses were so soft and loving. And a kiss doesn't lie right? Wrong. So I got hurt again and again. Because I fell for him every time again.
And then there are the times when he came to tell me he was going to take cocaine. Full of regret and sorrow about the way he'd fucked up his life. Brian lost his job and room because of his addiction. He just wouldn?t show up for work and eventually spend all of his money on cocaine, he couldn't pay his bills anymore.
The first two or three times I believed him. And he wouldn't take any drugs that night. He would the next night though. And I would be crushed.
I cared for him so much I started to suffer from his addiction as well. I spend
practically all my free time with him. When I didn't see him I was worried
sick. Every time my phone rang my heart stopped for a second, fearing it would
be someone telling me Brian OD'ed. I could hardly function anymore. I
couldn't concentrate on my school work and dropped out as a result of that. I
completely neglected my friends, thankfully they never let me down and
eventually helped me get out of the downward spiral I was in.