Conducted by A.E. Cox
Filled Out By: Ariele
Addiction Type: Meth
Q: So, tell me about this addiction. (What the addiction is, how old you were, why it started, how long it lasted, etc.)
A: Methamphetamine (aka speed, tweak, glass, ice, etc.). I was 17 the first time I tried it. I was more depressed than I can ever remember being at any other time in life. The weekend before I tried it for the first time, I also tried K (aka Special K, ketamine) and Cocaine for the first time also. I had also just started cutting again for the first time in a few months. I started doing meth almost every day, which lasted about 6-8 months. After that, it slowed to once every few weeks, to once every couple of months. The last time I touched the stuff was exactly 2 years ago today.
Q: When did you first know your addiction was an "addiction"?
A: When I started ditching school to smoke. When I would get high just to go to work. When all my money was being spent on it. When I would go thru withdrawals after not having it for a couple of days.
Q: Did you feel other people judged you based on this addiction?
A: Definitely. Rumors circulated the school. Some friendships were ruined and/or destroyed. My mom found one of my pipes, told my boyfriend at the time who gave me an ultimatum - that I come clean about smoking &he would help support me &get me thru this, or that if I lied &came up positive on my drug test, he would leave me.
Q: Did you try to hide the addiction from others? Is so, what would you do to try and hide the addiction?
A: Yeah, I hid it the best I could. I had a little kit that had my pipe &cleaning utensils, a wetnap, etc. I always hid it somewhere inconspicuous in my room. &of course, I always tried my best to conceal it when I was high. Although, now I think back &I can't imagine how people didn't know - I was barely 100 lbs, if that, my pupils were always dilated, my skin was splotchy, &I spoke so fast.
Q: Did you loose any friends or harm any relationships due to your addiction?
Q: Did you feel, at any point, you were in control of your addiction and brushed off concerns of friends or family members?
A: No. I was never in control of it. But I always brushed off concerns because I guess I felt that what I was doing was better than what I had been doing before (cutting).
Q: Were there certain "triggers" that made you want to continue your addiction?
A: The high. The proces of smoking. The drug has this way with your mind - it invades it &never leaves. Even to this day, there are triggers. The biggest one was actually that I loved how I could write for hours when I was high. After I quit, it took forever for me to be able to write again.
Q: When did you decide enough was enough and get help for your addiction?
A: I realized after my mom found my pipe &as I was coming down that next day, I had a vision similar to the one in Trainspotting - the devil came to me &told me I was going to die. It was very strange. But I never actually got help. I did it a few times after I had that dream. But the way I felt after the last time I did it - sicker than a dog, paranoid beyond repercussion - the feeling was like death. &it was something I never want to feel again.
Q: Were there certain steps you took to recovery? Did you go to someone for help?
A: Self-help. Withdrawal from friends who engaged in any kind of drug use.
Q: Did you experience any kind of withdrawal symptoms?
A: Yes. But more than anything, I experienced severe depression.
Q: What kind of support system did you create for yourself in trying to overcome the addiction?
A: I didn't really have one because my mom &boyfriend didn't know I was doing it before, therefore I couldn't really lean on them. I resorted to writing.
Q: What would be your advice to anyone currently experiencing this addiction?
A: Quit. Just quit cold turkey. Something like 6% of users actually sober up, so its rare to get out of it unharmed. Do it before you get into it too deep.
Q: How do you feel your life has changed since your recovery? What have you learned?
A: Drugs won't get you anywhere except closer to your coffin.